PiMP of the Month – Feb – Schapelle “Boogie Rights” Corby.
Each month, we will be doing a feature on a person (or possibly animal) that best exemplifies what it means to be a “PiMP” in our mind. You know what we mean, The Man, the BOSS, the brazen and ballsy bitch, the trailblazing teen, the painfully unlucky or just the plain wonderfully weird. A PiMP does something that aint just out of the ordinary; it also has to be outrageously audacious, mind numbingly courageous, or just Casinoscapital plain “bling it on” ostentatious. So what will it be this time? here’s your POTM for February 2014.
She has a face that needs no introduction in Australia or South Asia. She’s dominating news since her recent release from a nasty Balinese prison; with her mysteriously funded 5-star coctail-sipping parole retreat conditions being dissected as a political and financial pawn for governments and media alike. She’s been investigated, confiscated, exasperated, legislated, emancipated and devastated in the public eye like a Vegas circus animal. She’s been dramatised on a dire Channel 9 mini series, as her kung-fu fighting sister Mercedes’ gobbing off teeth became the most celebrated choppers since JAWS …. the list goes on.
So… Who is this sad blue eyed bogan?? For those that might be living on a remote island (like Nauru) and didn’t know her story ….. she just spent nearly 10 years in prison for (allegedly) smuggling a boogie board full of dope into bali (without sealing the bag that would have smelt like a Jamaican Youth Hostel Cafe) … did she do it? Was she framed? Does it really matter now?? Schapelle Corby, you’re our PiMP of the month.
We reckon nothing can make up for 10 years sitting in a Balinese prison eating Gado Gado leftovers from the local street food guy’s slop bin and having beady-eyed, sweaty moustached prison guards gawk at you like a Hyena would a meaty carcass. Schapelle can now flush those shady memories down the toilet – with a hotel toilet that actually flushes and paper that doesnt have to be stacked up like a fly & mosquito shrine.
Yeah folks, she is sittin’ pretty again privately in a 5 star resort sippin’ on San Miguels till the sun goes down, ordering massages and facials like a princess – and so she damn well should! No matter if she did stuff the Booglie board full of Mary J, she’s still not allowed to leave Bali and still not allowed out in public without some kind of cover-up burka thingy that will make her look like a Bollywood grandma.
So no matter if the AFP raided Channel 7 and found a beefy paycheque signed by Willesie for a tell-all … who gives a shit? We don’t call that profiting from crime, we call that gettin’ a life back. Then again, come to think of it… 10 years working in her mum’s fish n chip shop might have actually been worse.
Send us your details Schapelle, the AFP can’t stop us sending you over a few PiMPs we’re sure.